So for the last couple of weeks I had been noticing ants wandering around in our guest bathroom. At first I would see one or two so I didn’t think much of it. Then I started seeing three or four, crawling up a wall, strolling by the sink, casually investigating the shower. As the days progressed I saw more and more until one of them had the audacity to climb on me as I was doing my business. And by business I mean pooping. Just to be clear.
So I decided to get this thing I had heard of called TERRO which is like this thick clear liquid that eventually poisons the ants but not before they gorge on it like fatties at an all-you-can-eat buffet, which is exactly what Clif and I had for dinner, cuz we’re fatties, and we love all-you-can-eat buffets. :P
So I placed a bunch of little pieces of cardboard with globs of this stuff everywhere. The instructions say to let the ants do what they do and at some point they will disappear. I set them up and waited until I saw one of those scout ants find one of them and start sucking. For the purpose of this story I’m calling that little dude Bob. So once I saw Bob munching on the TERRO I left. Twenty minutes later I came back and it was like a scene from a horror movie. There are literally hundreds if not thousands of ants, coming out if this little hole in the wall, munching down on all the traps. Sucking away and taking it back to what I can only assume is a humongous ant colony living cozy inside the walls of that bathroom. It’s an Ant-pokalips of biblical proportions.
I’m hoping it plays out like this: After the horde of ants suck up and gather every last drop of this translucent nectar of the Gods they will retreat to their colony where I assume there will be a huge banquet in honor of Bob, finder of the nectar and hero of all ant-kind. Then right in the middle of the toast Bob will let out this huge roaring burp and then all the ants just fall dead on the spot.
I need sleep.